Tag Archives: Lie

Hopelessness

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The first time in my life I have a challenge I don’t know how to deal with it… I’ve never really done anything for myself… Everything has be done for someone else in my life… I finish High school for my mom and after went to community college while looking for a full time job… I didn’t know what to go to school for, but I went anyways… At this moment in my life everything is for my mom not me… Now I’m looking at my son and asking myself I need to something for him… While that is not my man’s idea… He told me to be selfish and do what I want to do, but I think to much about why I can’t do it than how I can… So I need to cry out all my tears and be selfish a little… The last time I tried to be selfish I got in trouble for it, which is funny b/c it is the same person that told me “I’ve never seen you by yourself since you started dating… Which left me confused about myself for a very long time… What she wanted was for me to help her and only her… I guess my life starts now or should I say after the doctor says I can workout… And yes this time I will workout… I’m so lazy now and unhappy about my life… I always try to find someone with an interest life so I could feel what that felt like instead of living my own… I feel so trap I don’t know how to live my own life… I’m so boring b/c I always want to play it safe… I always feel uncomfortable with stepping out of my comfort zone… I really afraid of speaking my mind and expressing myself to those who matter most to me… My health isn’t the best at this moment, I just had my baby and I feel depressed…. What weird it is how to be a person and what it take to live a life of your choosing than postpartum… I love being a mom… It’s a hard job!!! But I don’t want to make coffee for the rest of my life to make ends meet… I’m on this road alone no partner to help with tough stuff… I’ve always believed in fairytale, but I’m not feeling it anymore… Pain is life… If it doesn’t hurt your not alive…

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