Category Archives: RANDOM

My Writing Space

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My Writing Space

This what my writing space looks like on my #MondaysSelientRetreat… I spend all day writing so I can be able to post something right here… This is only my writing space right now while I’m staying with my mom, but soon I will update with my writing space in my own place…
Neko Hawaii

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My Mondays Silent Retreat Drink Station

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My Mondays Silent Retreat Drink Station

This is my set up every morning before I start my writing #MondaysSilentRetreat with my son Ryder… I enjoy my time with him!!! I love that he let’s his dad and I work on the computer some days… I love my son!!! To make it I have to have a cup for Water, Coffee in the morning, Black Tea in the afternoon and one Herbal Tea at night with my meditation and of course Ryder bottle for when he is hungry… I can really dig this work-stay-home-mom thing…

Neko Hawaii

Hopelessness

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The first time in my life I have a challenge I don’t know how to deal with it… I’ve never really done anything for myself… Everything has be done for someone else in my life… I finish High school for my mom and after went to community college while looking for a full time job… I didn’t know what to go to school for, but I went anyways… At this moment in my life everything is for my mom not me… Now I’m looking at my son and asking myself I need to something for him… While that is not my man’s idea… He told me to be selfish and do what I want to do, but I think to much about why I can’t do it than how I can… So I need to cry out all my tears and be selfish a little… The last time I tried to be selfish I got in trouble for it, which is funny b/c it is the same person that told me “I’ve never seen you by yourself since you started dating… Which left me confused about myself for a very long time… What she wanted was for me to help her and only her… I guess my life starts now or should I say after the doctor says I can workout… And yes this time I will workout… I’m so lazy now and unhappy about my life… I always try to find someone with an interest life so I could feel what that felt like instead of living my own… I feel so trap I don’t know how to live my own life… I’m so boring b/c I always want to play it safe… I always feel uncomfortable with stepping out of my comfort zone… I really afraid of speaking my mind and expressing myself to those who matter most to me… My health isn’t the best at this moment, I just had my baby and I feel depressed…. What weird it is how to be a person and what it take to live a life of your choosing than postpartum… I love being a mom… It’s a hard job!!! But I don’t want to make coffee for the rest of my life to make ends meet… I’m on this road alone no partner to help with tough stuff… I’ve always believed in fairytale, but I’m not feeling it anymore… Pain is life… If it doesn’t hurt your not alive…

The Baby Is Almost Here

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So I’m almost finished with my pregnancy and the baby will arrive sometime around November 12… I’m a little scared, but I’m ready for the baby to get here… I’ve been looking forward to meeting my child and so has it’s dad… I’m hoping for a little girl, which is what everyone thinks it is anyways… We have three boys already and just two girl we need another one to even out the playing field…  I know my man wants a boy, but at this point I think he only wants a healthy baby… I excited to start breastfeeding when the baby does come… now the only thing I’m worried about is how long I will do it… Most women stop at least by the time the baby is six moths and others wait til their first year… They recommend to at least two… I really hope I can do i for as long as I can or until we get ready to have our second one…  I really want to figure out what I want to do for a living so many things I can do, but I don’t know what I really want to do… I hope it comes to me pretty soon… Tamir has an idea of what he wants to do… I’m still kind of stuck… What can a feel truly happy doing and have the freedom I have with my family while helping provide for them… After I get the other fun out of the way I can completely pay attention to myself and my career… I hope I can figure out something so…